I think that spiritually, emotionally, and mentally I have healed - It’s all about growth and self-development at this point. I say “healed” instead of “healing” because I truly have found inner peace and balance within my mental, spiritual, and emotional being. I no longer have an inner turmoil: at one point I would wake up in the morning, and from the moment I woke up I would have negative thoughts swirling around in my mind; anxiety had a grip on my life. I was living a constant battle against my internal thoughts and my external situations; it was a never-ending cycle of worrying and overthinking about all aspects of my life, to the point that I just became a complete shell of a person. I couldn’t cope with the negativity so I just never dealt with it at all… it was easier to not deal with my emotions/thoughts/mindset because facing the negativity would mean having to be vulnerable enough to deal with the things that I was going through.
In the present moment I feel like a different person. Throughout all aspects of my life, I have changed; my thoughts, emotions, and mindset are completely different from what they used to be. Ultimately, I had to get back to basics and re-introduce myself to my life. I wasn’t living my life; my body was going through the motions of everyday life, but my mind was on autopilot. I was completely disconnected from reality. Re-introducing my mind to my physical body and actually developing a positive relationship with myself became the “do or die” factor in my life. I had to learn about myself, be honest with myself, and be strict with myself when it came to toxic habits and the negative aspects of my life.
Barriers and walls that I had put up were not just something that I could knock down, I had to deconstruct them brick by brick… you have to remind yourself that the healing process is a marathon and not a sprint (one where your only competitor is yourself). It can be overwhelming to face the things that you kept buried down for so long, and habits can be hard to break. When it gets to the point of feeling overwhelmed you need to take a step back; give yourself patience, love, and understanding. Giving yourself the grace to make mistakes, to need breaks, and to just be a human in general is critical for breaking down the walls that have been built over time… whether it be from trauma, negative situations, toxic relationships, mental health issues, etc. One day you will replace the walls with a delicate fence, one that protects your boundaries, energy, self-perception, emotions, and mental state… and let me tell you, it’s an uphill battle but once it’s won it is so beautiful.