Sometimes I get this weird sensation where my body will react to my anticipation of anxiety, but I never actually feel the anxiety that I’m expecting to feel (if that even makes sense). I should mention that I’m six months into being on Lexapro and a few years into using coping mechanisms to break through the negative “voice” in the back of my head… But if I’m being honest, feeling calm and positive seems to come naturally at this point (well it feels like it comes naturally, thanks Lexapro – not an ad, talk to your doctor about medications that are right for, you don’t just get on something because a stranger on the internet said it works for them). 

Now and again, I find myself in a situation or conversation where I’m expecting to feel overwhelmed/anxious, but I end up feeling completely calm and I react in a way that I wasn’t expecting… It just reiterates to me how out of control my thoughts were and how much I was actually controlled by pure emotion. I don’t think my headspace is 100% perfect, but I know that now I am in a place where I can deal with the things that are outside of my control and the negativity that may or may not come with various relationships/situations. I can handle the negativity in a more logical and effective way, instead of being stuck in a toxic cycle/toxic way of thinking.

I’ve started to fill my cup daily and give to myself more than I ever have. I have the tools and now it’s all about consistency. To be able to look back and see my own personal development and growth is the most rewarding feeling ever.