I’ve been wanting to have a conversation about the uncomfortable parts of the journey – the reality of working on healing and growth that can be hard to talk about. Take it from me, you have to trust yourself and trust the process; do not give up on trying regardless of how hard it may get. The reality is that sometimes the processing of healing is so uncomfortable that it is emotionally draining and just overall exhausting. Sometimes, when you’re working on trying to help yourself, it can feel like nothing you try works. Nothing eases the anxiety, lightens your mood, shushes the voice in the back of your head; the one thing that I want to admit is that healing/growth is a marathon and not a sprint. It takes time, patience, trial and error, forgiveness, and love when you’re trying to improve your life. 

I felt the need to speak on the topic because I feel like people can have the misconception that medication will fix their problems, therapy will fix their problems, or they believe that nothing will work for them at all. While I myself have been on both ends of the belief spectrum – I have learned that while medications will help balance chemicals and therapists will help balance thoughts and emotions, You (yes you) ultimately have to decide that you want, as well as deserve, the help from others and from yourself. You have to be your own advocate and your own spokesperson. I spent years of my life not working to improve my life in the slightest, I had the assumption that things would never get better and that I would continue to live in a gray area. No one is going to give you the motivation to show up for yourself.

I want you to understand that not everything that you try will work for you and not every piece of advice that you take in is applicable to your life; What works for me in my depressional episodes, anxiety attacks, etc. may not work for you – which is where trial and error comes into play, and where your responsibility to show up for yourself is as crucial as ever. I’m not even just talking about the surface-level showing up for yourself – hygiene, sleep, feeding yourself, hydrating, exercising, etc; doing the bare minimum for yourself is expected simply because it’s what’s good for you and you deserve to be taken care of. When coping with mental illness or even just overwhelming feelings/situations in general, everyone will have their own things that help them to self-soothe, redirect, and decompress. Finding out what works for you starts with figuring out what kind of person you are, followed by working to understand the severity of your own situation, and continuing with figuring out what your options are when it comes to helpful resources. 

I’ll break it down a little bit: Start by understanding where your starting point is, how severely you are affected by your mental illness, do you have a support system, are you able to seek professional help, etc. Once you understand and acknowledge where your starting point is, you can start working out what resources are available to you (coping mechanisms, self-help tools, professional help, support groups, etc. Your life is in your own hands and nothing will happen until you decide to make it happen. A pill won’t “fix” everything, a therapist won’t “fix” everything, and you alone cannot “fix” everything – A combination of all three (if needed or wanted – your choice) would ultimately be the ideal way to go through this journey. Personally,I tried anything and everything that I could in terms of “self-help” but I still suffered from severe anxiety to the point that it was hard for me to function normally. I eventually had the realization that I would not be able to give myself the help that I needed on my own. 

When I finally went to talk to my doctor about different mental health resources, I was apprehensive. I hate to admit it, but it had actually been years since I had been to see a medical professional about my mental illnesses. I had been through the medication and therapist routine more times than I thought necessary, and I did not have the energy or desire to subject myself to the trial and error of medications when they ended up doing nothing for me. I swallowed my fear and anxiety and made the appointment anyway; the appointment took me 9 months to make. Looking back, going on medication was probably the best thing that I could have done for myself. The combination of self-help/self-therapy with a medication that actually focuses and calms my mind made my life completely turn around. I honestly do not think I would have gotten to where I am in the present moment had I not sought help when I knew that I needed it. 

In talking about my experience, I want to note that I know everyone will have their own opinions on how they want to approach their journey – maybe you’re someone that doesn’t like the idea of medication or even therapy, 100% I can respect that. However, you get out what you put in and this is not an overnight thing. I’m just saying keep your mind and options open – there are so many  things out there for you to utilize on your journey. Try and try and make a promise to never give up on yourself. Even when you feel like you’re at your lowest point, show up for yourself. Some things will not work and I know how frustrating it can be, how exhausting it can be – take a breath and take a step back; go to wherever it is that makes you feel safe. Find rest and reset. Acknowledge that you tried your best and that tomorrow is a fresh slate for you to try again. Step back and disappear when you need to – give to yourself even if it means giving yourself rest.

When the support doesn’t work, when you feel lost in the chaos that life has to offer – focus on yourself; what do you feel, what do you want, what do you need, how can you move forward. Maybe you need space, rest, reassurance, a vent session – whatever it may be. This is a one step at a time kind of process. Personally, I have found peace and balance in writing, unplugging, meditating, and moving my body. When I connect with myself and give to myself mentally, emotionally, physically, and spiritually – I feel present, aware, loved, and taken care of. The little things that I do in my daily life have a huge impact on my mental health and well being. Developing a relationship with myself where I can acknowledge what I need right when I need it and in such I’m able to give to myself continuously (not always, but more often than not). My perspective on life has completely changed. 

Mental health is so important and caring for your mental health and well-being starts from the second you wake up and continues on until you are asleep in bed. Figure out what you want and who you want to be – your big and small dreams, and what life even means to you (spoiler: your answers might change over time and that’s okay), live for yourself right now with your goals and intentions for the future in mind. The only time that actually matters is the present, tomorrow is actually just today and who knows what the hell is going to happen in the future. Tomorrow wouldn’t exist without today so you have to make the decisions in life that will help you to find healing and happiness. It all starts with you.