Throughout previous posts I’ve talked about how crucial showing up for yourself is and how the journey is all about consistency. I feel like “showing up for yourself” is more or less a blanket statement – up for interpretation based on your own situation and circumstances. I want to dive into the things that I’ve learned about the process over time and how much consistency pairs with self-discipline/accountability in the journey. 

*Trigger Warning: Before I actually start: I want to put out a trigger warning about the post ahead of time. I will be talking about real life experiences and things that may be triggering for people. I would definitely proceed with caution if you are someone that is triggered by talk of depression, anxiety, and the effects that they can have on a person – or if talking about overwhelming thoughts and/or feelings makes you uncomfortable. I do not want anyone to feel uncomfortable or triggered as they are reading so please know your limits and your capacity for taking on possibly overwhelming information. If you need a decompression session after reading, I highly recommend watching cute animal videos on Youtube. Otherwise I hope you find whatever it is you’re looking for, thank you for being here and let’s start from the beginning!*

I was never someone that stayed consistent in life. To say that my life felt like chaos would be an understatement; being neck-deep in my own thoughts and feelings meant that anything outside of basic survival was not of concern to me. It was like my subconscious was in control and my logical awareness left the building at some point. My anxiety made me overthink anything and everything – my depression convinced me that everything I thought was true. Anxiety feeds the depression and depression returns the favor. From the second I woke up, I wanted to go back to bed. All of the basic ways that I could have shown up for myself, and I did none of it. Basic hygiene, proper sleep, consistent meals, exercise; I did not have the energy to do the most basic things. 

Now to someone that hasn’t been at that point in their life, it may sound ridiculous and disgusting – I remember being called “Lazy” for living the way that I did. What I didn’t realize at the time was how lost in my depression I was – How far below rock bottom I actually hit. Relationships and situations feeding into my depression and anxiety, yet I kept the toxicity in my life. I did not have the mindset of getting help and thought I was a lost cause. Being on the outside of the situation and being able to break down how I got from point A to point B gave me a lot of perspective in regard to my own life. I was lacking in caring for myself in all aspects and ultimately, I was digging myself deeper into a hole that I was originally trying to claw my way out of. I didn’t take accountability or responsibility for myself in the ways that I needed to.

Do not get me wrong, I’ve now let go of the thoughts/feelings that I once carried with me – but I think that in being young and mentally ill, I hadn’t grasped the concept of seeking help or  bettering myself. When I finally opened up about my mental state to a close friend, it resulted in my admission to an inpatient facility (side note: I know that the intentions were good and that the person had my best interest in mind) – All that I will say about that experience is that I came out of the facility the same (if not worse) as when I went into the facility. Afterwards, I felt like opening up would just lead to shame and belittlement for not being able to get my life together. Good intentions with the wrong implementation and I stopped speaking up after that. My inner and outer wounds became camouflage and I became someone else. 

Self-destruction comforted me because of the power and control I felt like it gave me in my own life. If I’m honest it wasn’t until years later that I decided I needed help… but by that time “self-therapy” was what I could afford to do and I went into it not knowing how overwhelming it could be. I was tired of being sad, tired of panic attacks, and overthinking every single thing in my life. I had just gotten into a serious relationship and after about six months of us being together I knew that I wanted to be a better version of myself so that I could maintain healthy relationships. I had been in so many negative situations/relationships and I picked up a lot of negative ways of thinking (limiting beliefs, self doubt, etc). I didn’t know if I would be able to give to my partner as much as he was giving to me and that was the “aha” moment that made me decide to work on myself and my mental health – so that I could become the best version of myself. Having someone show so much love and support towards me, even when I didn’t know how to give those things to myself, made me believe that I needed to confront the ways that I had been making myself feel. I wanted to be more present and in the moment with my life. I had a mission to heal and grow within  myself and that decision has helped my relationship with my partner to grow and strengthen. 

Being consistent and showing up for yourself takes a lot of self discipline and accountability. No one is going to change your life or mindset for you;no one can make you show up everyday. jThe journey of healing is yours alone. There will be times that you fall off of consistency, when old habits/mindsets resurface; give yourself some grace during those items. You are human and the journey will not be, and does not have to be, perfect. Now that there’s some background and explanation for the post – take it from me that your consistency and self discipline will develop over time. As long as you are willing to try to make an effort in your life, the smallest things start to make the biggest difference. Next thing you know an entire year will have gone by and suddenly you’re a completely different version of yourself (but this time a positive one).

Something that really benefited me was adding various routines and expectations into my day. In the beginning I literally had alarms set for times throughout the day so that I would accomplish the things that made me feel good and aided in my growth/personal wellbeing. Being someone that was never good with consistency meant that I had to be strict with myself and I had to hold myself accountable. If you’re someone that likes journaling/writing, I recommend using habit trackers – that is the only way that I personally was able to really hold myself accountable. I put together routines that I knew I needed to have: morning/night routines, self care/hygiene routines, consistent meals, sleep, journal, medication, relaxation, downtime, etc. I had to get used to doing normal tasks for myself purely because they benefit me and in doing them I am showing myself so much kindness and love. 

I set myself up with a daily schedule that I followed – I time blocked my entire day to make sure that I was doing the things that I needed to do. Being strict with myself meant stepping up to the plate and acknowledging my shortcomings in my own life. When I would start falling off of my routine/schedule, I wouldn’t shame myself or make myself feel bad for “messing up” – I instead showed grace and kindness to myself, praising the ways that I showed up for myself and going on to work out how to stay on track/what tools to use so that I am able to stay motivated in my journey. I constantly checked in with myself and stayed mindful of my daily mindset and energy levels. 

If you’re someone that also struggles with being consistent and present in your life, it can even be beneficial (if you’re comfortable with it) to have a buddy that you do check-ins with. Accountability and responsibility is key – doing it on your own can be tricky and it takes a lot of dedication and daily work. Having someone that you check in with and can be vulnerable with, can help you to view your journey from a different perspective. My best friend and I have hangout sessions throughout the month and part of the hangout is checking in to see how each of us are doing and where we’re mentally at. Unlike previous relationships that I’ve had in my life, her and I actually collaborate on different coping techniques and self-help tools. I have found that positive collaboration on coping techniques and self-help tools really refocuses my own mindset and helps me to shift my own negative energy/perspective. 

Figure out what routines appeal to you and how they can benefit your day. Be intentional with the things that you’re doing. I have a morning routine because I like to connect with and focus my mind, body, and soul for the day. There’s something about intentionally spending time with myself that creates a sense of purpose and it helped me to develop a loving relationship with myself (Let me know if you’re interested in my morning routine and why I do what I do – it’s nothing special but it could give you some ideas if you are looking for them!). I have a hygiene routine because I deserve to be taken care of and to feel loved. Taking the time to put energy and effort into myself has created a passion for self-care and it has made me so much more loving towards myself and my body. I have a meditation routine because I have found peace and balance in the art of meditation. I feel more present in my life when I meditate. I could go on and on but you get the point – find routines that add to your life and aid in your growth. 

I literally started by looking on pinterest and youtube at other people’s routines and their reasoning behind them. I started implementing things into my life here and there (after putting my own spin on them because everyone is different and needs different things – it’s all about what works for you!) – and I found what made me the happiest and most fulfilled. Don’t feel like you have to know all of the answers, but be open to learning – be open enough to question the things that you believe to be true.There is always room for growth and education – there is nothing wrong with developing a new way of thinking/understanding when it comes to yourself and your life. 

I feel like I’m making it sound more cut-and-dry than it really is. It took me a good chunk of time to figure out, implement, and be consistent with positive habits/routines. Step away from the things that bring you down and negatively impact you – disappear for a while and focus on giving to yourself first. This is not an overnight process; this is a promise to yourself that you will fill your own cup and create your own happiness. There will be off days, bad days, and days when you don’t feel like showing up. Give yourself the space to make mistakes, try new things, take breaks, and to be human. You’ve got this and I believe in you. One day at a time, one step at a time, and never look back unless for reflection. Everything that you want within your life is achievable, you just have to start. You’ve got this.